Why No, I Don't Shit Rainbows

I don't shit rainbows and I actually hope you don't either. Seriously that would be weird, and what about your actual digestive tract, and wouldn't you feel a little uncomfortable flushing a rainbow into the sewer? I totally regress, but I do want to clarify no rainbow poops, no unicorns, no fairies, no magic dust. Just me, standard gross digestion, and boring lack of mythical.

So, I know you are asking, "Why does this even need to be clarified?" I can hear you asking this in your mind as you sip your warm beverage and sit in your cozy seat to see what I decided to ramble about today.

I have been told recently that it does in fact seem, at least to those who only know my facebook post or have only met me in passing, that I may shit rainbows.

Thank the universe that this has been cleared up!

Some days I do have a possibly unhealthy positive outlook and some days I do toss reality to the wind. Some days are just like that. Those are the days that if I were asked if the glass was half empty or half full, I would giggle and say who the hell needs a glass when there is an ocean? Days when I can find the beauty in everything, even the devastating and truly terrible. Days when I can see everything through my rosy colored glasses, when the power-full-ness of being me is so awesome that I can't even imagine the feelings of stress or uncertainty, without knowing that they are perfect feelings.

But there are the other days too. The days that weigh me down and I unfortunately am unbalanced and falling on my figurative face because I lack any semblance of grace. Days that I cry and am scared, days when I think I have fucked everything up and am lost to help myself.  

It is not that some days I actually live a dream life and other days I don't. . . it is really all in my head. My reality is only as good or as bad as I make it out to be. So, some days I do let myself dwell in the darkness, some days I do just cry, and some days I choose to have my own little pity party. But I never stay there. . . 

So, you may be asking why I care what you think. I sort of don't; no offense. But I do care if somehow my desire to be optimistic and positive, leaves you feeling less than stellar. I know how that can feel, I have been in darkness that has no shades of grey. I have felt the weight of other people's perspectives, certain that my reality would always pale in comparison. But in truth it was never my reality that kept me down, it was my view of it. I came out of abuse, I came out of poverty, I came out a life that I thought was worthless. I came out of it because I was done being a victim of my own inaction, of my own constant comparison to others.  I found myself and my optimism and my power.

Although, I started this post thinking it mattered to tell people I have crap days too. . . .really, STOP worrying about my days.  I am not the comparison to be making in this world. I am going to focus on what my days could be and I hope you do the same.